honestly

thanks to food month of "7" I am only 6 pounds away from a weight I would be totally happy with. So why do I avoid looking at myself in the mirror like the plague? Well, atleast when I'm naked. I admit, I don't look half bad when fully clothed. But I hate my naked body. I have had 7 children - need I say more? I'm covered in stretch marks of all shapes and sizes from my armpits to my thighs. My skin hangs and sags from being stretched to capacity. Nothing is firm, smooth, or perky like it was when I was 19 (before I had kids). Because it's clothes month of 7, I've been sleeping in just a sports bra and underwear because I can't waste precious clothing items on sleepwear. I was lying on my side the other night, and for some strange reason looked down at myself. I never want to see myself in that position again - EVER! Let's just say gravity was not working in my favor. I've heard women say they love their stretch marks. I've heard them called "battle scars." I'm sorry, what war were you fighting? I was growing babies, not entrenched in some kind of battle against good and evil. I've heard them called "love lines." While that one certainly has a sweeter sound, the marks on my body have nothing to do with how much I love my children. They simply show that my skin couldn't handle 45 pounds of rapid weight gain. I love my beautiful children, and I wouldn't change anything, even if I knew then what my body would look like now. They are worth every sag, bulge, and line. But unlike many women, I can't talk myself into loving what childbearing has done to my body. I'm not sure that's a bad thing. I'm realistic and practical, and sugar-coating is part of my diet, not my personality. I'm a positive person, and I look on the bright side, but I'm also honest. This dislike of my exposed body doesn't hold me back in any way, except from wearing a bikini in the summer - you're welcome! Let me also say how blessed I am to have a husband who constantly tells me how beautiful I am, head to toe, growing or shrinking, firm or saggy. Without him I might not be okay with how I look. I hate my body, and I'm totally fine with that. ***"7" update: My favorite t-shirt now has 3 tiny holes in the bottom front. Will this stop me from wearing it after clothes month is over? I think not! Hopefully they don't get bigger, though. Casualty of wearing the same thing over and over. I know this is something the poor deal with - except it might not be "favorite" but "only"

clothes month, so far

Okay, so my biggest concern thus far with clothes month of 7 is my pants getting too tight since food month is over. that, and that my 5 items of clothing will "wear out" with the constant washing and wearing. Really hoping they don't since I've got my 2 favorite shirts and my favorite jeans.
I lost 10 pounds last month, and let's just say the Easter candy is doing its part in putting it back on. evil candy. and what I mean by "evil candy" is "I really have self-control issues when it comes to sweets."
On a more spiritual note, I get the feeling my concerns of out-growing or wearing out my clothes are not totally superficial. What if these were my only 5 (and 2 shoes) items to wear indefinately? It wouldn't matter if these were my favorite things, 'cause they would be my ONLY things. While I hope they stay in good shape because I love them, I know I have plenty of other things to wear if they do wear out by the time this month is over. What if I didn't? Would I take better care of what I do have to make it last?
Also, I'm totally happy just wearing these clothes. I occasionally miss my "comfy pants" and a sweater would be nice at times, but I'm a jeans & t-shirt gal, so this has not been a problem. And it is awesome to not think at all about what to wear in the morning. I just put on my clothes and go. No thought about mood, how it fits, if I want to look "cute" or whatever. It's simple.

This will definatly tie in well with next month as I address possessions and get rid of 7 things a day. I really don't need most of the things in my closet. REALLY! I see a great purge coming, and I'm really excited!

month 2 begins

well, I survived food month of 7. barely. i cheated. several times. forgive me.
Let me tell you what an amazing God we serve. Have you ever thought about how much thought went in to every piece of food we eat? It's hard to fathom that there are thousands of different kinds of plants and animals we eat, and each one provides unique combinations of nutrients that our bodies need. And yet, they are not so different and diverse that we have to actually eat one of every kind to get the proper nutrition for our bodies. I ate only seven of them for 30 days (okay, we're not counting when I failed miserably) and I didn't lose any hair or teeth, I didn't shrivel up and die, I didn't even have to go to the doctor for malnutrition. (quick reminder, my foods were eggs, yogurt, apples, sweet potatoes, spinach, whole wheat bread, and avocados. Plus salt, pepper, and olive oil...no other seasonings) Of course I had severe bouts of sugar withdrawals. okay, tantrums. lying on the floor screaming. crying. But in general I felt great - even lost an easy 10 pounds. God loves to give us choices, and an amazing variety, but he also created us to NEED so very little. This month was hard for a fat, lazy American with HEB Plus (as in plus-sized pants), about 20 fast food restaurants in a 10 mile radius (this number would be much higher if I lived in the city) and a pantry the size of a small bedroom that I regularly stock with goodies from Sam's. And need I even mention Starbuck's? Temptation is everywhere. And oh so delicious. and how my heart aches for the disgusting ways we distort God's creations and turn it into things that can hardly be called "food" and serve it to eachother, and our children, and say,"Why don't I have energy? Why don't my clothes fit anymore? Why is my health failing?" Why indeed.
I had to constantly ask myself,"what do I NEED?" People in other countries LIVE on rice and beans, or other such staples, in limited supply. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." Matt 5:6 Lord, if righteousness could be the only thing I hungered and thirsted for! I know God is changing me. I'm excited to see what the next 6 months hold.
which brings me to today. Jack and I started Clothes month. I hope this month is easy, but it took me about 2 hours to decide which 7 items I should choose. (fyi - socks and underwear don't count - thank the Lord) I have 2 black t-shirts (my favorites) and one green v-neck jersey blouse for when I need color, or need to look cute. I also have one pair of dark blue jeans and some black denim capris. A pair of cute flip flops & my favorite "loafers" in case my feet are cold or it rains. That's it. Lord help me if a formal occasion arises or if we get a strong cold front! The good side of this, not having to think about what to wear. Bad side - my bad body odor which will have me washing clothes every other day. Either that or my baby getting all kinds of strange things smeared all over me which also results in ridiculous amounts of laundry. It's gross how many articles of clothing are in my closet. I haven't counted yet. I haven't worked up the courage.